I always considered myself somewhat of an authority on empathy. And my understanding of empathy was making someone feel understood. So imagine my surprise when I found out that that is only one of the three components of empathy! It's the Cognitive empathy. There two other components of empathy: Emotional empathy and Empathic concern. Even more surprising was the finding that people who have high levels of empathy have more empathy towards "insiders", people they consider like them and less empathy towards "outsiders". They go to extreme lengths to justify the actions of "insiders" but judge the "outsiders" more harshly. Come to think of it...that kind of does sound like me. Does that mean that having more empathy makes me less objective and more judgmental? If the question is; would I rather be more objective or have more empathy? The answer seems pretty obvious. Even though I had prided myself on being logical, giving up objectivity for being a loyal and trusted friend seems like an acceptable trade off. But I am not at all happy to find out that it also comes with the baggage of being more judgmental. I thought that empathy was a universal quality; if you have it, then you have it for all. So it seems I have some work to do in the "Empathy Gym". How do I spread my empathy towards the "outsiders". How do I become less judgmental? Accepting who I am might just be the first step.
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